I bet he comes in French.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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