Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
