well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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