Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
