Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
