hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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