i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize