i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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