I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
