she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
MIDGETS
????
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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