i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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