she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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