Your face is a jimmy john
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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