sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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