Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
