Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
