All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
