So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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