How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
A+ Viking dick
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
