Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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