Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
