If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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