i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize