I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
