you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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