??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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