Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
