Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
what day is it and did you see me today?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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