All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
