I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
