this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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