You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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