bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
