We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
