Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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