I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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