I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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