do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
