That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
