At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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