remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
