I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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