operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This baby is an asshole
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
