Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
