I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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