I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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