I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
