So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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