Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
