I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
