remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
