he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
