This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
