Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
