I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize