i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
