i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
