how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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