It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
