my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just high enough for therapy.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
