Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
