we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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