Yo dont text me then not text me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
