got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
