Do you still have your period?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
