I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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