i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
