I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
