dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
