ya dads aren't the best wingmen
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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