It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
