Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize