She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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