The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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