i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
the raccoons are back...
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