i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
