i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
