I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize