are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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