Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
