I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
