I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
