So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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