Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
