where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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