i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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