Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just high enough for therapy.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
