Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
As shirtless as possible
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
