we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
