please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
