is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
