I can't watch pbs sober anymore
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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