my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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