he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
