I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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