sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We just shotgunned beers for America
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
