We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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