Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
