if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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