Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
