Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
