Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
